When a child is struggling, the parents are the most important resource they have. That’s why working with the parents often changes the situation faster than direct therapy with the child.
What distress looks like in children
Children usually don’t say “I’m anxious” or “I’m sad”. Distress shows up through behaviour and the body: outbursts, refusing to go to kindergarten or school, returning to bedwetting, recurring stomach aches, difficulty falling asleep or withdrawal. The younger the child, the more likely it is that emotion will be translated into behaviour.
Signs that warrant reaching out
- A marked change in behaviour, sleep or appetite
- Ongoing refusal to attend the educational setting
- Withdrawing and distancing from friends
- Returning to behaviours of a younger age
- Anxieties, fears or separation difficulties that are getting stronger
- A concern raised by the educational staff
- A difficulty lasting more than a few weeks
Why we start with the parents
Parent guidance is considered the most effective intervention for behavioural difficulties in early childhood and school age, and it is sometimes more effective than direct therapy with the child. The reason is simple: parents are with the child every day, and change happens in the child’s natural environment rather than in the therapy room.
Another advantage is that you can start even when the child refuses therapy, or is too young to take part in it.
What parents receive
- An understanding of what lies behind the behaviour
- More consistent and calmer ways of responding in difficult moments
- Tools for setting boundaries without escalation
- Coordinating a shared approach between both parents
- Liaison with the kindergarten or school
- Room for your own frustration, guilt and tiredness
When does the child join?
When the difficulty is emotional and persistent, when the child expresses distress directly, or when parent guidance isn’t enough — direct work with the child is added. Even then the parents remain partners, and regular parent sessions take place alongside the sessions with the child.
Parental guilt is a very familiar feeling — and asking for help is exactly the opposite of failure.