The way you present therapy to a child has a big influence on their cooperation. One principle guides it: don’t surprise them, and don’t present it as a punishment.
Why not to hide it
Many parents are afraid of frightening the child, so they say they’re “going to play” or say nothing until the last moment. The result is usually the opposite: the child arrives at an unfamiliar place without an explanation, feels deceived and finds it hard to trust. Children cope better when they know what to expect.
How to explain it, by age
- Ages 3–6: “We’re going to meet someone who helps children when things are hard for them. There will be toys there, and you can play and talk.”
- Ages 7–11: “There’s a person whose job is to help children when they feel sad, angry or worried. Let’s go and meet them and see.”
- Adolescents: a direct and honest conversation — say what worries you, and give them a part in the decision and the choice.
What’s important to say
- That it isn’t a punishment and they haven’t done anything wrong
- That it doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with them
- That lots of other children go too
- That they don’t have to tell everything the first time
- That you’ll be there, and will stay involved
- Exactly when it will happen and how long it will take
What’s better not to say
Avoid presenting the session as a consequence of behaviour — “Because you don’t listen, we’re going to a psychologist.” Also avoid promises you can’t keep, such as “They won’t tell me anything” or “It’ll only be one session.” Statements like these break quickly and damage trust.
And if the child refuses
Refusal, especially among adolescents, is very common and not the end of the road. You can start with parent guidance only — a change in your responses changes the dynamic, and quite often a child who refused at first later joins of their own accord. You can also suggest a single session “just to see”, with no commitment.
You can call in advance to discuss how to present therapy to your child.