Harsh self-criticism doesn’t push us forward. In most cases it is exactly what paralyses us.
The inner voice that says “It’s not good enough” is familiar to many. When it becomes a constant soundtrack, it affects decisions, relationships and willingness to try. In therapy you can explore where this voice came from and develop another voice alongside it.
What is low self-esteem?
Self-worth is built in childhood from the reflection we received from parents and those around us, and from experiences of success, failure and belonging. When the recurring message was conditional — “You’re loved when you succeed” — an inner belief forms that worth depends on performance. In adulthood it shows up as perfectionism, difficulty asking for things, fear of rejection or a constant feeling of being a fraud. These are learned beliefs, and so they can be changed.
When to seek help
Recognising the signs and knowing when help can make a difference
If it’s hard for you to accept a compliment but criticism stings for days, if you avoid opportunities for fear of failing, if you apologise for your very existence or find it hard to say “no”, or if you constantly compare yourself to others — it’s worth reaching out. Low self-esteem often comes with depression and anxiety too, and treating it improves both.
Forms of low self-worth
Self-criticism and perfectionism
From the outside, perfectionism looks like striving for excellence, but from the inside it is a constant fear of making mistakes. The result is procrastination, difficulty finishing tasks and a sense of failure even after success. Therapy doesn’t lower standards but separates the wish to do well from the fear of inner punishment.
Impostor syndrome
Impostor syndrome appears when a person attributes their successes to luck, timing or having “managed to convince people”, and fears that one day they’ll “be found out”. It is especially common among successful people and among those who are the first in their family in a role or profession. The work focuses on genuinely internalising achievements.
Difficulty setting boundaries
Difficulty saying “no” usually stems from fear of disappointing others or being seen as selfish, and the price is ongoing overload and accumulated anger. Setting boundaries doesn’t contradict a close relationship; it is a condition for it to last. It is a learnable skill that can be practised gradually.
Fear of rejection and failure
Fear of rejection leads to avoidance: not suggesting an idea, not applying for a job, not initiating contact. Avoidance protects for a moment and narrows life over time, reinforcing the belief that we wouldn’t have succeeded anyway. Gradual exposure creates new evidence that contradicts this belief.
Body image
How we relate to our bodies is influenced by constant comparison with images on social media and by comments heard over the years, sometimes within the family. A negative body image affects avoidance of activity, intimacy and social confidence. Therapy helps separate self-worth from appearance.
Ongoing shame
Shame is different from guilt: guilt says “I did something bad”, while shame says “I am bad”. That is why it tends to hide and prevent people from seeking help. Bringing it into an accepting, non-judgemental space is exactly what reduces its power — and that is the heart of the therapeutic work.